Goodbye 2008...

My favorite things about the year behind us:

Our ski trip to Vail in February...the first time we've hit the slopes in a few years! We had a great time away with our friends, Dan and Sara...and enjoyed some great powder, while breaking no bones.



Potty training another child...two down, two to go. 2009 may be my year to kick diapers to the curb.


Watching L learn to eat...seeing her take her first official bites, learning to take in whole meals, and watching her eat her first bite of birthday cake!



Seeing our big girl, G, enter the world of kindergarten...and love it.



Being able to sit at the pool and know that our children were in control of themselves in the water (for the most part).


Reading the entire Twilight series. It is soooooo good, it makes my best of 2008, for sure. Yes, I know I am 32 years old...I can't help it.


Our 6-day getaway to Cabo San Lucas with our friends, Nick and Becky. The perfect calm before the holiday storm!


Staying at the same hotel that Heidi and Spencer stayed at when they got married in Cabo, on "The Hills". And being asked to attend one of the "Party Monsters" Cabo parties being thrown as part of the E! TV reality show. Since I am a HUGE fan of pop culture/reality TV, you can imagine these made my year. Maybe my life.


Our annual trip to Hilton Head Island with the Wagganers and the Canatseys...six adults and 8 kids living under one roof for a week. This is always one of the most fun and amazing weeks I have all year!!



Our first annual scavenger hunt...24 of our friends agreed to let us take them on a wild goose chase throughout St. Louis. We learned our friends are a lot smarter than we give them credit for and we vow that 2009's challenge will be much harder. If you passed this up last year, you're going to want to get in on it!!!!

Tacky Christmas...see my previous post here.


Running my first half marathon...let me back up a second. Running any sort of distance at all. Actually running outside and not giving up after 5 minutes. Training religiously for 5 months and then running my first actual half marathon in Hurricane Ike.


Cleaning my basement and finding NO dead bodies, large spiders, overdue library books or moldy food of any sort.


Celebrating Frizzle's first birthday...our resident garden toad has lived in our home for over a year now.


Seeing my four-year-old twins catch the bus to school every morning...which is SOOOO helpful for me, but also the highlight of their day. It's a win-win for everyone involved.



Having five mornings a week to get stuff done, with just one child in tow. No more dragging four unhappy children through the aisles of the grocery store or taking 20 minutes to get everyone's coat and shoes on before we can run a five minute errand.

Watching my friend Becky get a really cool tattoo on her ankle...and knowing that she trusted me to keep her conscious when she thought she was going to pass out (which she didn't). And then celebrating at Fast Eddies, which always tops my favorites, because you can order the entire menu for $12.

Heading back to good ol' DePauw for my 10-year college reunion...staying at Alpha Phi with my best college friends, eating a GCB and cheese fries (still sooooo good), existing on 4 hours of sleep and throwing back $1 beer pitchers. That's right, $1 pitchers...such a heaven does exist.



My first float trip since I've lived in St. Louis. It's taken me TEN years to plop myself in a tube on one of the many moving bodies of water surrounding our state.


Having our wide-plank hardwood floors installed....while we were out of town. The carpet, also known as our gigantic rag/burp cloth/bundle of germs was replaced with a better looking and cleaner alternative. Amen.

Did I mention that Libby started eating?


Discovering the world of facebook and blogging...now officially known as the biggest time suckers in my life. Aside from my children, that is.

Discovering a few new restaurants this year. Revival. Sub-Zero. Amigos. Japonais in Chicago...HIGHLY recommend it, if you're in the Windy City. I'm pretty sure it's the best meal I've had in my entire life.

Spending time with family and friends who mean the world to us...Mike and I are people persons, so we really would die without you. We need you. Don't ever leave us, we'd be very bored and unhappy.

Falling even more in love with these beautiful little people--who test us, push us, amaze us, humble us and teach us daily. I may complain a little. I may hate fishing things out of my toilet. But I LOVE them. No matter how many times I find crayon on the walls, or have to calm temper tantrums...I am unconditionally, head-over-heels, in LOVE with them and all their wonderfulness (and naughty-ness) in 2008...can't wait to see what's in store in the year to come. Bring it, 2009.

Lesson learned

When you buy kids a tent for Christmas, and pack it full of pillows and blankets, the dog is going to want to sleep in it.



When your four-year-olds think it's fun to zip the tent up (with the dog still in it, dead asleep), you'll never know it.



When you are upstairs for several hours while the kids are napping, you will not hear the now awake dog wanting to get out of it's cozy jail cell.



What you have then is dog pee in the new tent.



Yum.

Playing with knives, kind of...

A few months ago, our friend Katie suggested taking the kids ice skating...we've taken G before, but I you can imagine that I was a bit leery of sending my littlest nuggets out on to ice with sharp blades attached to their feet. I said I'd think about it.

So, Katie is home from college for Christmas and I started to think ice skating could be fun...with 2 of our 4 children. Just the girls. G is old enough for sure, and with man-on-man defense, I figured we could handle L too.

And then the weather hit the 60 degree mark here in St. Louie. Done.

So, the four of us hit the Steinberg Rink in Forest Park this afternoon...along with every other person in the bi-state region. The last time I was at this rink was at night in February when the temperature was about 10 degrees. It was empty, and I just assumed that's how it was ALL the time.

We got our skates, laced them up and headed out...and it was so much fun! Katie is a much more seasoned skater than I could ever be, and she handled the girls oh-so-well. By the end, they both refused to skate with me...which is fine, because I was much more confident with Katie's balance than my own. Plus, I'm pretty sure her 20-year-old bones would hold up much stronger than my old skeleton.

Grace actually ventured to the center of the fire-hazard packed rink (although, could an ice rink ever be considered too crowded in the event of a fire, since it wouldn't actually catch on fire?) and she skated all on her own for at least 2 laps. Libby held her own on the side of the rink, or holding tight to both of our hands. It was awesome...tiring, but awesome to see the girls have such a great time!

Mom versus Little J

One hour and 15 minutes...the length of the showdown between Little J and I.





75 minutes to eat THREE bites of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.





Remember my blog about consistency? Here's my first, big, fat test.





I think I passed. I mean, he was not allowed to get down until he took those bites...but it didn't happen without a lot of stubbornness and whining (Both Little J and myself).





Way to be firm, self. Battle #1 down...only a million and a half more until they turn 18.

Oranges, who knew?

Apparently, my children can eat oranges. And they actually like them.



I have never introduced oranges, because truth be told, they aren't my favorite. I like the taste, not such a big fan of the rind. I honestly didn't think my kids would do well with the pulpy-ness of it all. Guess I was wrong. I can take oranges off the list of foods my children are banned from.



This list includes:



Bubble gum. We did try this over Christmas...still not a good idea. Pretty sure Little J has an intestinal blockage of some sort.


Mandarin oranges. Strange, I know, given the subject of this post...but my kids will eat these mush balls by the thousands. And it causes really runny diapers and terrible diaper rash when eaten in those quantities. Nuff said.

Real fish. Yes, I am completely aware this food is good for you...aren't oranges??? Healthy does not mean it is a battle I am willing to fight. Trust me folks, I fought this one for years until my sweet husband said, "You know, I don't think they like fish." Thanks, hon. I am usually undeterred by a food refusal, but after years of trying and no success I threw in the towel. The kids now have fish sticks while we have salmon.

Soda. Because I love it a little too much. I would venture to say I cannot function without it. I have not even given them a sip of my "mommy juice" because that's all it takes to get hooked. I know they will have it at some point, and fall head over heels in love with it like me, but not yet.

Anything found in our car. You think this is funny, but it happens daily. Cheerios, cookies from the grocery store, old Halloween candy. You name it, it exists there. Lost sippy cups are the WORST...

Ketchup. Okay, we're slowly allowing this one, but mostly the kids use their french fries/hot dog/fish sticks as an instrument for dipping and sucking the ketchup only. And then they throw a fit when we do not give them more ketchup until they actually eat their meal. Again, the fight just aint worth it!!!

Anything spicy. I am not against spicy, but this is the excuse G uses not to eat any new meal..."It's spicy." So, we win that battle by eliminating spicy foods altogether. Ha! Take that 6-year-old...we are on to you and we are one step ahead!!

I'll add to this as they come to me...we have some real winners, for absolutely the worst reasons. But when you have 4 kids, it only really makes sense in the context of our chaos.

They're baaaa-ck....

Have you seen this?

Maybe these? Are you starting to feel...scared?

Don't say I didn't warn you....

The new melamine lines are in at Target. I'm pretty sure I can never enter that store again.

Big J

In my series of posts devoted to my kids, here is the low-down on Big J. Since day one, Big J has had a spirit and personality all his own. An amazing balance of calm and storm. I know that is quite a contradiction, but it's the best way I can think of to describe him. A fighter and a couch potato, all rolled into one cute little blonde ball.

He is not an attention seeker, has always been obedient (for the most part), plays well with his siblings and is generally a sweet little boy. The storm comes when he is pushed outside of his comfort zone or is surprised with anything unexpected. He likes things on his terms and is not a big fan of change. After four years together, we've got him figured out...we know his likes, dislikes, fears, favorites, etc, so we have learned how to spin those situations that would previously bring on large bouts of crying and fit throwing. But don't try to change things up on this one--he will not follow willingly!!

Big J was the biggest of our triplets, born at 1 pound 11 ounces. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but even on the day they were born, he was noticeably bigger. Doctors in the NICU had to sedate him for weeks because he was feisty!! When they needed him to relax, let the ventilators do the work and allow his weak lungs to rest...Big J would fight to breathe. Thrash around in his little bed and make a mess of his tubes and wires. Really, for weeks, I did not see Big J awake, because the fight in him was not helpful at that point. And then it was decided that it was time to bring the life back into him...weeks had passed and it was time to get him off that ventilator. Well, Big J had begun to like life on the lazy side and he refused to budge or give any sign that he was capable of breathing independently. It was finally decided that we would take a leap of faith...really, we thought the tube would go right back in, but wouldn't you know it--he took every breath on his own from that point on. Could have been capable for weeks, but would never have let us know it.

When Big J and L came home from the hospital, Mike and I assigned ourselves a baby--I was in charge of Big J, who at that time was attempting to nurse, while L was being fed completely via G-tube. For that reason, he's always been a bit of a mama's boy. If he was up in the middle of the night, I was on it. Granted, Big J came home practically sleeping through the night and L has had to have an adult wake up EVERY NIGHT SINCE SHE CAME HOME to turn off her feeding pump/clean up puke/change her clothes/occasionally bathe her. Ninety-five percent of the time, Mike is all over it (5% of the time, I take pity). Pretty sure I drew the long stick on that one...

I hate to potty train, and for that reason, I put it off as long as possible. Big J has now been potty trained for a year, but let me tell you, it was not pretty. For 3 whole weeks last January, Big J did not pee on the potty. Not once. Not one drop. Remember how I said he hates change? This was the battle royale. When he finally caved, he was trained in days.

Other fun Big J facts:

He is in love with cars. In love. I do not have another kid who has a passion like this one. If you asked what he did at school, he will give you the same answer ever day..."I played with cars."

Like L, he suffered from severe reflux, and had to have the same surgery to correct it. It worked for him, but did not prevent him from spitting up CONSTANTLY in his first year and a half. This kid was always covered in something white and curdly.

He used to have the cutest little curl to his hair, and one day it disappeared. Never to return.

Although he is blond, he is actually the child that looks most like his mom.

He uses the word "actually" very often and correctly. Not sure where he picked that up.

He has always slept curled up against something...when he was in a crib, he would push himself up against the side, so that we would often find the imprint of the slats on his forehead. These days in his big boy bed, you will always find him cuddled in the corner where his bed touches the wall.

Like his twin sister and his little bro, Big J is deathly afraid of anyone wearing a costume. Fred Bird and Monkey Joe might as well be Satan.

Big J is a sleeper. I thank the NICU and the number of months he spent in a crib there for his love of his bed. He takes a solid 2.5-3 hour nap everyday.

He has the smallest belly button I've ever seen. Only L's can rival it.

The most BIZARRE Christmas present...

Mike and I decided a while back that we were not doing Christmas presents for each other this year--we've done some big projects around the house, gone on two pretty great vacations (without kids) and have thrown the now infamous "tacky Christmas" party of '08, which we consider our gifts to ourselves. However, neither of us can resist getting something little for the other, just to be part of the present-opening festivities on Christmas morning.

So, this Christmas, Mike handed me a box with a big smile...

Ear wax candles.

Now, let me give you a little background. A couple of weeks ago, the pastor at our church mentioned ear wax candles in his sermon--basically, they are candles that you stick in your ears and burn from the opposite end, to remove wax from your ears. I have heard of these before, and did in fact suggest trying them...so no, Mike did not sleep on the sofa or spend the day getting the silent treatment. This was not an offensive gift, by any means.

The BEST part of the gift, is the story that came with it. So, Mike went to buy these candles at the store mentioned by pastor Tom. After a few minutes of searching for them, he asked a guy working at the store where he might find them. Here's how it went down:

"Excuse me, I'm looking for ear wax candles?" says Mike to the guy at the store.

"I assume your looking for the candles to remove ear wax and not ones made out of ear wax? says the guy. "Because we have both."

Wow. I actually am shocked that my husband did not pick up one of the human ear wax candles. Instead, he purchased the ear-wax-removing candles and calmly walked out to his car where his head proceeded to explode after laughing hysterically. We think he's going to be okay.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care...

We're in the home stretch, and I think the Denckhoffs are in good shape. I've kicked it into gear in the last 48 hours, to avoid being up all night on Christmas Eve...and I think it's going to pay off, but we'll see what kind of last minute shenanigans I can get myself into today. Something's bound to pop up.

The girls aprons have been made...so thankfully they will both have one to open on Christmas (note to self: if I take on any homemade present ideas in the future, I need to start working on them BEFORE Dec. 15th...)

The cookies have been baked and iced....

The gifts are...in the process of being wrapped. Seriously people, this is HUGE for me, and the biggest sign that I might (?) be able to relax tonight.

The house is...not that clean. But that's what kid naptimes are for. Any work I do now they will destroy in minutes, and that's just depressing.

The basement is...cleaner than it's been in years!! Keep in mind, that this job was done for appearances and not actual organization--but it looks much better than I could have imagined when I took on this project. My idea for the kids, the one that started this whole cleaning frenzy, was to create a store...so Mike and I have been saving every usable container to come through our kitchen in the last month. Here's what we've got so far:

Honestly, I've accomplished more in the past three weeks than I have in a LONG time...I mean, aside from the daily rearing of four children, which is my constant, 18-year-long, in-WAY-over-my-head project. The moral of the story is, I work best with a looming deadline. So as much as I would love to have this all done a month before Christmas, the truth is that I never will because it isn't urgent. There has to be a five alarm fire to grab my attention. I blame the kids for that one--they will throw a tantrum for the smallest of reasons, so it's a mommy defense mechanism to recognize and react to ONLY the signs of real trouble (injury, vomit, dead silence which means something sneaky is happening, front door slamming, etc.).

Mike made waffles for breakfast and the kids are currently watching "The Polar Express" in their PJs. I have a craft in mind before lunch, and then an early nap because our church service is at 4:30. Should be interesting this year, as 3 of our 4 children are no longer young enough to qualify for the childcare room!

Real Simple

So tonight I gave my very neglected basement some serious attention. Not so much purging and organizing--more like frantically shoving things into boxes with lids and placing them neatly on shelves, so as to give the appearance of order. I have only two days until Christmas, and you'll remember, one of my ideas for the kids depends on having some space, so I'll go back to my boxes after the holidays.

Who am I kidding...no I won't.

Any-hoo, while down in my dungeon I came across an old stack of magazines. Let me explain...I LOVE to save magazines and stack them in piles all over the house (this obsession not confined to the basement). My intention is to go through them again one day, clip all the articles/recipes/ideas I find interesting, and file them neatly in binders according to subject. You already know me too well...never gonna happen.

It doesn't help that my husband has collected every issue of National Geographic since 1972...seriously.

So, I have ended up with piles, upon piles, upon piles of old magazines. I'm pretty sure the editors of Real Simple and Martha Stewart Living are totally against magazine hoarding. Plus, I'm guessing that all their efforts to organize me into efficiency in February 2005 are TOTALLY outdated.

Christmas presents...FOUND!!

Yes, we can all breathe again...the Christmas presents have been found. Too bad the box containing the "replacement" presents have been sent to Hawaii...Mom & Dad, you'll get this a few days late, but consider it the two days of Christmas. After one search of a house in Hilton Head and our tenth scouring of our own home here in St. Louis, they were found. You can guess where.

The basement.

So, here's my new plan. I'm going to nail boards over the door to our basement. Maybe remove the door altogether and build a brick wall in its place. It will be as if it never existed. Well, I did mention it to all of you here on our blog, but you can keep a secret right???

Not having clean clothes, and losing use of all clean/dirty clothes down in the basement would be a sacrifice, but worth it I think.

I might want to see my wedding album again, but then again, memories are a small price to pay for my sanity, right?

My sewing machine is currently upstairs, however, all of the tools I need to operate it effectively are down there. Oh well, this will free up much of the time I spend ripping my hair out with projects gone bad. Could be a bonus.

I will lose all pictures from high school and college...all pre-digital age. There is potentially a lot of good material for blackmail/serious embarrassment, so I may have to weigh my options on this one. Could be lucrative.

The amount of baby car seats/toys/cribs/bouncy seats/general gear down there is staggering...I'm worried that if we do seal our pit off and are someday raided by the authorities, they might think we are selling children on the black market. May not be wise.

Mark my words...

I am NEVER going to buy Christmas presents early, ever again.

Saving myself the stress of having shopping out of the way, trying to find the "perfect" thing, saving some cash/spreading out the spending throughout the year vs. having it all come at us in one gigantic credit card bill...none of those perks are worth it WHEN YOU CAN'T FIND WHAT YOU HAD THE BEST INTENTION OF BUYING MONTHS AGO!!!

Here's the thing...having to buy something to replace lost gifts 5 days before Christmas is not only stressful, it's heartbreaking for me...not to mention expensive. We had the perfect gift planned. I've been banking on it. Ugh.

Five days, you say, to find it, right? Right, if we were gifting our presents on Christmas morning. These babies have to make themselves all the way across the Pacific Ocean to Hawaii--so let's just say, I'm already late.

There is a small chance that these items were left in a closet on Hilton Head Island. Don't even ask. No, they weren't purchased there...I guess they just decided to take a nice vacation on the East Coast. It's a long shot, but it's really our only hope.

Even smaller chance that they are hiding in the basement...but you've seen our basement, so if they are there, we're screwed. They might as well have gone for a ride in the space shuttle and orbited into the black hole. But I'm cleaning my basement, right? Right--that's what the next four days leading up to Christmas are for!!!

Birthday recap and other micellaneous items...

Big J & L's birthday has come and gone, and here are a few pictures of the festivities. Nothing extraordinary, or stressful, as can sometimes be the case when I decide to go over the top. No, this was a day all about Big J & L, and it was awesome. Biscuits for breakfast, riding the bus (an everyday event, but a treat to these two), donuts at school, making pizza for lunch, having Mimi and Landad over for dinner...and of course, cake. This also happens to be the first year L actually ate her birthday cake...double awesome.

It was pajama day at school...hence the get up.

The candle just would not cooperate in the pizza....

For their birthday cake, I experimented with baking in jars...it's an idea I picked up here, several months ago. I bought the jars a while back and have been holding on to them for just the right moment. They turned out to be incredibly moist, and about the size of a big cupcake. I actually baked them, let them cool, slid them out of their jars and cut them open to add a layer of icing in the center, and then reinserted them into the jars. If you don't fill them too full, you can screw a lid on top, stick a cute label on them and give as gifts!! I have frozen this cake in "cake form" before, so I know it would freeze well if you made a batch and gifted them over time.

John did not feel his cake was complete...without a truck on top.

Okay, one last thing I've been meaning to share...this week is also the last week of school before Christmas break, and I came up with an easy gift to give our kid's teachers. Here is my ornament project for the year:

I think they turned out pretty cute, don't you? I literally cut the letters out, stitched them together with a zig-zag stitch on my machine, included some ribbon so they are hangable and added some stuffing to puff them up a bit. The bling was a last minute addition...I thought they needed a little pizzaz. If I am on my A-game next year, we will be handing them out all over town!!

The finished product!

Happy Birthday Big J & L!!!!

Happy Birthday Big J & L...do you know where you were four years ago today?

(L's got some bling...daddy's wedding ring on her wee little arm)

(Big J and his first Lovie...it's so tiny, but giant next to his little frame)

Four years ago today, Mike and I were living one of the most emotional days of our entire lives. I'm not sure there will be one to top it.

I woke up really pregnant with triplets...I ended the day not pregnant and praying for the lives of my surviving twins. It was bitterly cold, a week before Christmas and three days in to the nursing strike at St. Johns. There was the anxiety of being in labor, the fear of not being able to stop my labor (which had been done MANY times prior to that morning), the surrender of not being in one ounce of control, the stress of seeing over 30 people in my delivery room, the anticipation of seeing them born and the confusion of doctors and nurses rushing to save their fragile lives. There was pride at seeing them whisked off to the NICU...alive, but barely. There was the encouragement of watching them hang on, minute by minute. Panic that any minute could bring a turn for the worst. The crushing sorrow of losing Caleb. The amazing strength and compassion of family and friends who poured into our hospital room and loved us at a time that was so uncomfortable, sad and awkward (I probably would have chickened out, had the roles been reversed). It was so hard, but so incredibly special to us.

(Libby at 2 pounds, 4 ounces...probably 2 months after she was born)

Four years later, this day is about celebrating. Pampering two 4-year-olds who really understand the concept of their birthday. Making a cake and kissing them and being so truly thankful for the absolute miracles they are (like I should be everyday). It's almost hard to remember the smell of the North NICU at St. Johns, the way we would practically scrub a layer of skin off before we entered the section reserved for the most critical of newborns, how we had to learn to touch our babies firmly because stroking and light touching was so irritating to their sensitive skin. They were born with their eye lids fused and their skin ten sizes too big for their one-pound frames, and have undergone countless surgeries to close off heart valves, repair hernias, correct their eyes and allow them to keep food in their bellies. It was a month before we could hold them, six months before they actually came home to us...what a journey it has been!

(Growing big & strong...and almost ready to come home)

They've learned to crawl, walk, eat (almost), laugh and talk. They've been to Hilton Head and Hawaii. They are in their second year of preschool. Big J loves cars, L loves animals. They can recite their ABC's and love the song "The Wheels on the Bus." Llama Llama Red Pajama is their favorite book. Four years ago, we didn't know if they'd ever breathe on their own and it seemed like there was a mountain of things they'd never be able to do. And yet, every expectation has been exceeded.

Amazing.

There isn't much about them today that resembles their start in life, but they have fought hard to get here...and have quite a story to tell someday, though thankfully, they'll remember none of it.

Happy Birthday Big J & L...we love you!!!!

They are smarter than they look...

I am on to them. The children.

I saw a small glimpse into their complicated little minds, and it was eye-opening. Brilliant, and potentially terrifying.

Let me back up a second to my firstborn, G. To this day, G is the most obedient of the pack. Quick to please, always follows directions--a typical first child. Let's just say that I can leave this kid with a bunch of permanent markers, glitter, scissors and glue and not have to fear for the walls, hardwood floors or the hair of our dolls.

None of the others can compare in this regard. And not in a bad way. My kids, on most days, are very good. There isn't a lot of hitting or teasing or general not-getting-alongness, for which I am SOOOOOO thankful. But this is really G's department. Not due to age, probably not due to temperament or personality. Mostly due, I think, to the fact that I was able to watch G like a hawk in her earliest days and correct even the littlest signs of disobedience. It's possible that she still has nightmares of being reprimanded when dropping food on the floor. I'm not telling you this because I think I am an awesome mommy with all the answers...quite the opposite, I think I was a wee bit too legalistic. But, she was my first, and she had my full attention, poor girl...we'll see if she needs therapy in the years to come.

Not much time passed between Big J & L's homecoming from the hospital and the arrival of Little J. Instead of one baby...I suddenly had four. I would be lying if I didn't say that so many of those days were spent surviving, getting from one feeding/nap/diaper to the next. Yes, there was discipline, but my attention was COMPLETELY divided.

These young 'uns...they learn quick.

Today, while serving lunch to three very squirrley children, I think they were hedging their bets. All acting out and knowing I could only deal with one naughty child at a time. I swear I saw L smirk...and that's when I knew. It's their version of Russian Roulette.

Consistency is my new goal. It's so important to me to give grace to my children...to warn them when they disobey and to correct them when they continue the behavior. But these days it seems like I am saying "Big J/ Little J/ L, if you do that one more time..." a zillion times in a day. "Do you need a time-out?" is my personal favorite...what kid says yes to that???

Days when one child acts out are not that bad...it's the ganging up on mom that's frustrating. Disciplining one child, hugging it out and moving on are do-able. It's constantly having to send kids to time-out, or worse, spankings, that wear me out--which is generally what happens when these three decide to push their luck. Although these days, they are definitely winning. I'm handing out idle threats in an attempt not to play the meanie...and they are so on to me.

All this to say that the odds for their little game are good, since I appear to be giving more grace than correction. There is something to be said for accountability, even in 2 & 3 year olds...and I'm attempting to teach it with table manners and toy clean up, rather than the slew of bad choices teenagers are tempted with.

Pray for me.

Diary of a Feeding Tube...You think you know, but you have no idea.

Most of you who know us are very familiar with the story of our very premature twins...Big J & L (as they'll be referred to on our blog). I will share snippets of their story on here from time to time--our lives are an open book, but unless you are ready to settle down for a novel-length epic, I'll spare you in the interest of time. This little blog will be devoted to the feeding monster otherwise known as "L".

Throughout her stay in the NICU and upon her release, L has been a difficult eater. And that's putting it mildly. Severe reflux was forcing her to be on additional oxygen and causing her all kinds of trouble with learning to eat, even in her earliest days. For months after she was born, the doctors threaded a tube down her nose and into her stomach/intestines to feed her...and when it came time to try a bottle on her own, we saw all kinds of choking, pauses in her breathing and general discomforts, which told us this was going to be a rough road. Poor kid, she could barely manage an ounce without turning blue.

So, we decided on surgery--a fundoplication, to be exact. Taking a part of the stomach and wrapping it around the esophagus, in an effort to make it harder for her formula/milk to wash back up her throat. Big J, her twin, had the same surgery on the same day...for him, it worked like a charm. For L, not so much. We gave it some time, because babies who struggle with such horrible reflux tend to become defensive about eating, protesting before it ever really begins.

At the same time as L had her surgery to help correct the reflux, her surgeon also put in a G-tube, which is a port that goes directly into her stomach. It allows us to hook her up to a feeding pump and literally feed her body the formula she refused to take by mouth. It doesn't correct the reflux, but it certainly takes the defensiveness out of the picture. The problem, we discovered, was that even after surgery, L was still refluxing quite severely...she could not have more than 2 ounces in her stomach before she started to throw it up. Violently.

How then, do you get a child to grow when she won't keep anything down? We began to feed L in slow, small increments. Using a syringe during the day to give her 2-3 ounces every couple of hours, and then slowly pumping 20-30 ounces into her at night with the help of a feeding pump (eating is always better for her while she's asleep and her mind is taken out of the equation). We tried adding weird things to her formula to thicken it up (and help it sit down in her stomach), we changed countless outfits and crib sheets when she inevitably threw up. We found formula with fiber, rubbed her gums with all kinds of things (to lessen her gag reflex when things were in her mouth). We worked with gastroenterologists, occupational therapists, dietitians, speech therapists and every kind of expert out there who had any input on feeding preemies. Really difficult, stinking cute, won't eat a lick of food preemies.

Everyone fell in love with L. Because at the end of the day, she wasn't defensive about food at all...her body just couldn't handle it without thinking it was going to die a painful, choking death. There is nothing defensive about L--she is the most accepting, smiley, happy-to-meet-you-and-try-that-ritz-cracker-if-it-will-make-you-happy child I know. In her first three years, I think we got L to eat, maybe, 2 tablespoons of yogurt and some chee-to crumbs. And then there were the colds--every time she got sick and snotty, she would choke on her own phlem. And then she'd vomit. Sometimes up to 20 times in a day. But no one ever gave up, because you just can't give up on a little girl who gags, chokes and SMILES through what has to be the biggest lesson of her entire life.

About 6 months ago, we started to see really good signs. Intentional chewing. Less gagging. Less throwing up in the middle of the night. Actually wanting some foods. We saw her eat half a nutrigrain bar one day and it was amazing. The therapists were gleeful. Not just hopeful and encouraged, but actually giddy. We cut her formula feedings for 60 hours straight to give her the sensation of true hunger. And when that was over, we were given the green light to cut her formula feedings in half, on a regular basis.

So where are we now? L is currently receiving 4 ounces of formula at night by pump. The rest she takes by mouth. Amazing. Hot dogs, mac and cheese, pizza, braunsweiger (ick!), eggs, green beans, brownies, you name it. Drinking is another story, but we're starting to fight that battle as well, so that this tube can be gone. We're hoping for the spring. Oh, how far we've come in four years! If she can continue to gain weight and take in adequate fluids, it's adios to the feeding tube altogether. She is actually going to have her first piece of her own birthday cake later this week--Hallelujah!!

There are so many reasons I'm thankful for my twins and their very long, complicated and amazing medical history. One of the biggest, however, is that they changed my idea of normal and expected. They've shaken things up a bit, to say the least. And every now and again, I think we can all use a little shaking. To remind us that even when plans go horribly wrong, they are incredibly right and purposeful for reasons I can't even begin to understand. In light of all that could have gone wrong with those two, a feeding tube is no biggie. A good reminder for me when I completely lose it over a lost hair-bow or crayons on the wall, right?