About three days ago, I ran out of Sweethearts. As I have mentioned this coming doom in several posts, you may have sensed my desperation.
Originally, I purchased three bags of sweethearts PURELY as decoration for my mantle. The decorative nature of these candies lasted for .0001 seconds, at which time I realized that I am unable to resist the super-human powers of compressed sugar.
The glass jars containing the devil's voo-doo magic candy were filled at least 3 times before Valentines Day. Yes, I am now convinced that God is going to need to use diabetes as a tool for curing me of my sugar addiction.
Anyway. For the past couple of weeks, I have noticed that my mouth kind of hurts. Achy-like, all the time. As this occasionally happens due to hormonal surges, it wasn't overly alarming. Yes, I am not kidding, but one of the first signs that I am pregnant or ovulating is gum sensitivity and bleeding.
No, I am NOT pregnant. Despite the rumors my husband likes to spread. He thinks it's funny when people come up to me after hearing that false truth (which he starts). I think it makes me panic and instantly dedicate myself to losing 10 pounds. Which begins, coincidentally, by eating large amounts of SWEETHEARTS.
But this mouth pain lasted for a few weeks. And as I was beginning to get nervous about receding gum lines and general mouth disease, I ran out of Sweethearts.
And miraculously, my mouth healed.
It appears that while the candy was rotting my teeth, it was also stabbing and scrubbing and puncturing my gums with all kinds of gusto. And as I haven't gone more than 8 hours (while sleeping) without popping these mini-daggers in my cake hole, it also seems that there was no time to heal the open wounds in my mouth. Until, I ran out of edible razor blades.
It turns out that God was using mouth sores to cure my sugar addiction.
Didn't see that one coming.