Damn it. Having to get a safety inspection AND drag myself (and a variable number of children) into a government office in December is a sure recipe for delinquency. If you added the post office to that equation, I'm pretty sure there would be a warrant out for my arrest.
Anyway. I got pulled over for the second time in a month, and this time was given a ticket. Although, I *think* it was a ticket, as the officer kept referring to it as a court date, and I wasn't even aware that me and the cop had taken our relationship to that sort of serious level of offenses. Nor was I aware that the words "ticket" and "court date" were not interchangeable, PLUS, there is no dollar amount associated with this piece of paper, which leads me to believe that hard jail time may be in my future?
It never pays to procrastinate, kids.
Though. I might be for the slammer, if: it is the county jail we are talking about (vs. city), AND I am allowed to bring reading and/or crafting materials. Totally kidding. I'm sure scissors and needles are still considered jail house contra-ban.
But then I got to thinking about how I drive a gold MINI VAN, for goodness sake, and didn't this cop have more productive things to do with his time than pull over a woman who has no time to worry about the safety of her vehicle/promptness in meeting state deadlines, when she is in fact trying to make sure her children don't break every bone in their bodies when they attempt to fly from their bunk beds?????
It's always the children's fault. Every responsible bone in my body is solely focused on their survival. So perhaps the real crime is procreation in general. Just a theory/general defense that I am working on in preparation for my "court date".
At which time I will be charged with many counts of child abuse for general insanity AND driving an unsafe vehicle/toxic waste dump. I will probably be court ordered to have my tubes tied by the jail house physician.
However! My healthy parenting habits will win them over! It's not something I share very often (because honestly, it's kind of embarrassing), but I have a hard time convincing my children to eat junk food. After several years of trying, I still can't get G to drink soda.
I know, I know. Cry me a river. But HONESTLY! I have a hard time believing they are actually MY offspring in the absence of a deep and soul-wrenching love for bad and unhealthy foods. It's a level we are failing to bond on. And it saddens me.
At the core I know it is not a dislike for lard and sugar and preservatives and such...but rather, a disinterest in eating in general, combined with a heavy resistance to any kind of change. All foods take at least 20 introductions before it can even be considered tolerable. But still. McDonalds should not take 2 years of persuasion.
My point.
This weekend when Mike made homemade donuts, he mixed up a combo of sugar/cinnamon/nutmeg to coat the donuts. And he might have been a little over-zealous in his mixing, as we had a large amount left over. Being ever thrifty, he saved it and found THE PERFECT use.
Apple slices. Dipped in the sugary combo. Holy crap, it's like crunchy apple pie. Which is AWESOME, because my major beef with apple pie is the mushiness. I think the key is in the nutmeg? But Mike doesn't measure anything, so I can't even begin to tell you how much of each to combine...just know that your base will be largely white sugar and powdered sugar with a small dosing of nutmeg and cinnamon. I have seen grown men try to eat raw cinnamon alone, and let's just say, you are going to want to stay away from anything resembling that.
Also, as I am not much of a fan of anything that tastes or implies "healthy", this is a great trick on my taste palate. It should taste sweet, so as to disguise any suggestion that this is even slightly good for you.
However! My healthy parenting habits will win them over! It's not something I share very often (because honestly, it's kind of embarrassing), but I have a hard time convincing my children to eat junk food. After several years of trying, I still can't get G to drink soda.
I know, I know. Cry me a river. But HONESTLY! I have a hard time believing they are actually MY offspring in the absence of a deep and soul-wrenching love for bad and unhealthy foods. It's a level we are failing to bond on. And it saddens me.
At the core I know it is not a dislike for lard and sugar and preservatives and such...but rather, a disinterest in eating in general, combined with a heavy resistance to any kind of change. All foods take at least 20 introductions before it can even be considered tolerable. But still. McDonalds should not take 2 years of persuasion.
My point.
This weekend when Mike made homemade donuts, he mixed up a combo of sugar/cinnamon/nutmeg to coat the donuts. And he might have been a little over-zealous in his mixing, as we had a large amount left over. Being ever thrifty, he saved it and found THE PERFECT use.
Apple slices. Dipped in the sugary combo. Holy crap, it's like crunchy apple pie. Which is AWESOME, because my major beef with apple pie is the mushiness. I think the key is in the nutmeg? But Mike doesn't measure anything, so I can't even begin to tell you how much of each to combine...just know that your base will be largely white sugar and powdered sugar with a small dosing of nutmeg and cinnamon. I have seen grown men try to eat raw cinnamon alone, and let's just say, you are going to want to stay away from anything resembling that.
Also, as I am not much of a fan of anything that tastes or implies "healthy", this is a great trick on my taste palate. It should taste sweet, so as to disguise any suggestion that this is even slightly good for you.
And that folks, is my plan for avoiding jail time and redeeming my parenting reputation, in the eyes of the law.
2 comments:
What a way to start my day...Giggling!!!!!
my husband will be joining you - i think you two will amuse each other - he is on the run as we speak
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