I have found the bacterial equivalent of the Taliban; and their plans for mass destruction were not pretty.

So this week, I noticed that something smelled in the mini-van.

What's new, right?

You all remember the chocolate-cheese debacle?  The one that resulted from me leaving a mostly-full McDonald's chocolate milk in the van for 5 days?

Well, this smelt...different.  Sweeter than gross.  Or gross disguised with sweet?  Maybe a terrible fungus with a raspberry garnish?  It was definitely coming from the back of the car, because let's face it, I might drink on occasion, but my children act drunk. All.  The. Time.

Chance are they:  sneezed something, spilled something, vomited something, *hid* something, pooped something, licked something.  You pick.  I live by the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. 

Because of the "sweet" after taste this thing was leaving in my nostrils, I *mistakenly* thought it was the two pound bag of candy corn sitting in my door (excuse me, it  is currently a .25 pound bag of candy corn).  I thought the candy corn might be releasing a gas when heated by the sun?

Negative.

Mike drove my car  last night and I SWORE I cleaned the whole thing out last week after the chocolate-cheese mess.  Which led to the lego-melting-in-my-vacuum-cleaner disaster.  He had his doubts, because of the fine-ground layer of cheerios on the floor (small, drunk people, remember)??  He decided to investigate.

And that is when he moved one of the captain's chairs forward.

Whoa, buddy.  When I said *cleaned*, I meant all visible areas. I mean, that's how you lose fingers, by releasing all of those amoebas that have grown teeth and weaponry.  They LIVE under those chairs and perform military style drills, regularly.  And they may or may not be creating nuclear weapons from old dairy chunks.

Because under said chair?  Was CHOCOLATE MILK #2 (now 12 days old) and spilled all over the floor mats.

Hmmm.  Found it. 

Small, drunk people are no longer allowed the privilege of a McDonald's binge in my car.