A little back story:
Before we bought this house in 2003, we had owned THREE houses (all since getting hitched in 2000). Two of those moves were done while I was pregnant with G, and Mike was in treatment for testicular cancer. I couldn't tell you why, exactly, but our needs changed constantly, and we were young, and still figuring out what worked for us. We didn't define happiness in just one way, and we certainly weren't limited by what was easy and comfortable. We went to open houses a lot, and when the mood hit us, we packed up. As a married couple, we have ALWAYS been inspired by change.
**This makes A LOT of sense to me now, as moving is like re-writing a story. And we all know how I LOVE to tell a good story.**
The house that we brought G home to was great, and worked well for us. It was two doors down from a great Elementary school in a great district. We knew it wouldn't be our *forever* home, but at the time, we came up with a plan for a VERY SPECIFIC neighborhood that we would love to end up in, some 5-10 years down the road. A very small neighborhood with very little turnover, right on the golf course of our country club. And...it just so happened, that Mike's parents had friends who lived on this street, so we called and asked if they would let us know if they EVER wanted to sell their house, because we'd be interested. You know, in 5-10 YEARS TIME.
They called 3 months later.
We had one child, and suddenly, we were moving into a 4 bedroom house on a golf course. It was amazingly simple, this whole process of accumulating a dream house, that we assumed would take years. And we were so, SO incredibly excited for the life we would build here, and the house we would fill (with crap, apparently, if the contents of my current moving boxes are any indication.)
The problem, of course, is that at 27, I had NO IDEA what I would want or need in a home, FOREVER. I just *thought* I did. And as this house was a ton bigger and nicer than any we had lived in, I did truly believe that this was the case for most of our time here. Because bigger and nicer are always the goals, right?
Now. I've touched on our reasoning for change quite a bit in February, when I wrote THIS POST about quitting our country club, and the reasons that choice and it's expense were not working for our family. And once that piece of the puzzle was gone, the house didn't make quite as much sense anymore, either. Our only hang-up was whether or not it was worth the pain-in-the-arse of moving.
I think it is. I say *think*, because this still feels like home--and the future, and where we'll end up is still very unknown. And that is unsettling. As is living in someone else's house, and leaving for a month in the middle of it all. I take it back, I want to stay.
No, I don't.
Yes, I do.
No, I don't.
The idea of a new house, a new canvas, a new story--that is endlessly appealing to me. Not a fancy house, for I am not a fancy person and I KNOW that now, even though I wore flannel pants to class regularly in college. I moved in here *thinking* I wanted to be fancy, and now I own dark furniture and various accents that are Not. My. Style. At all. Because I never took the time to figure out what I actually liked, apart from copying what I thought I should have. Somewhere along the line, I stopped looking for and collecting ideas when it came to the kind of home I wanted to build, the way we used to when we house hunted all the time. I settled in and decided to make something work, FOREVER. I bought into the idea that I would never change my mind, and as a result, have constantly compromised around it.
This big, fancy space is (and has been) WAY too much for me to keep up. Particularly since it has had the pleasure of seeing me through the period where I birthed FIVE children in 3 years. It has afforded us a lot of breathing room with so many ankle biters, but also it has provided TOO GREAT of an ability to hoard no less than 8 various boxes of medical supplies. EIGHT!!!!! And now, my infants and toddlers have now grown into full-time school-attenders; and suddenly, the space that I needed to give them the freedom to crawl and explore will be empty most of it's days.
I would love to paint my kitchen cabinets an unusual color.
I would love an older house with smaller space and more character (where funky cabinets would fit).
I would love (LOVE) a nook of some sort.
I would love a smaller bedroom, because I can't always see the details on my t.v. at night when I'm in bed.
I would love to live within walking distance to my kid's school.
I would love to have less debt.
I would love for my kids to be able to ride their bike's to a friend's house without crossing a major, busy road.
I would love some sort of spacial limit on what things I keep, because we all know I have no filter or common sense for this kind of thing.
You get the idea. None of this is a deal breaker, but it's a constant compromise, very similar to the things we were sacrificing to be part of a country club. It's just not really the direction we want to go in, right now. And both Mike and I are passionate and EXCITED about living a great life, and not just "making it work". You can change your path, did you know that? Even with four kids and 5.8 tons of crap, you can do it.
Also. I'm not naive enough to think that I won't change my mind, and my priorities, and my preferences again. But THAT'S OKAY. It's only a house. Or a paint color. Or a bedspread.
They are ALL just choices that we can do differently.
Stories we can edit, as needed, if we're not afraid to change.