BOOM, goes Mommy's head.
Obnoxious, noisy toys are from the devil, and what you see pictured here are my children's passive-aggressive attempts to kill me slowly and painfully and loudly and unrhymically.
Since the move, we have *rediscovered* the Bop-It! I take full blame, because I bought this thing and actually find it to be fun. And up until a week ago, my kids weren't coordinated or focused enough to get the hang of it. But now that they are capable? They play it 23 million times in an hour.
Bop It! Twist it! Pull it! Bop It! Flick It! Twist it! Twist it! Bop it! Bang it! Stomp It! Throw it in a RIVER!!
Because WHAT THE HELL Bop-It! creators? Where is the volume control? This little demon is so damn loud, and when my kid picks it up at 7 a.m. it ACTUALLY sounds as if it's blaring at 76,000 decibels above normal human sound. And it is ALWAYS a bad day when my morning begins with ear bleeding.
Not pictured, but equally as miserable of a toy? Potty-time Elmo. Just the thought makes me want to curse and kill puppies. Potty Time Elmo had faulty wiring and a bladder the size of a grain of rice, apparently, as he had to pee every 14 seconds and NEVER SHUT-UP about it. I know this is used as a tool to garner excitement for potty training--but in essence, I believe this pushed our efforts to house break our then 2-year-old back by years. YEARS. And here's why: We got bored and fed up with putting Elmo on the damn potty every other second, and he inevitably peed himself (and broadcast it to the world), and said something unforgivable like "accidents happen!" and "better luck next time". Yes, this is what all first-time parents think, on the first two days of potty-training their only child. But on day 13, with ZERO signs of pee in the potty, and tears and and M&Ms and promises to ACTUALLY build a fairy castle out of diamonds, it becomes clear-as-day, that the 2-year-old is in a stand-off for your soul and that she HOLDS ALL THE POWER, because her simple desire to not-want-to-do this is costing me time and laundry and SANITY. So, no Elmo, ACCIDENTS DON'T JUST HAPPEN--they are the weapon by which the war for world domination is won. Many a sane mommy loses her sh#! during the potty training phase, thanks in no part to your flippant remarks that it's OKAY to pee in the toy chest on a whim. That is NEVER okay. You are just as bad as that bastard Diego, who modeled TERRIBLE decision making in that episode where he cornered and confronted and CARRIED a baby crocodile in a bush. Added to the list of things now necessary to teach my children: Never, EVER, confront a wild crocodile/hippopotamus /hyena/jaguar/mountain lion in a bush, or frankly, any situation for that matter, because you will surely die.
This will follow my lesson on NEVER letting a man photograph you in a roach motel, even if it is FREE.