This entailed turning in my PTO volunteer form, and volunteering to lead a committee--with a disclaimer that I would totally understand if they want someone with more *experience*. You know, since I attended ZERO school events last year and have NO friends there. Details, right? I feel like I need to prove my worth, and provide an entire resume that includes writing entire trivia nights and sewing baby quilts for preschool teachers?
Which got me motivated. To write my "Mommy" resume.
Name: Sara Denckhoff
Occupation: Dictator, Communist Nation of Denckhoffs
College: DePauw University, Greencastle, IN
Children: G, age 8; Big J and L, age 6; Little J, age 5
Objective: To obtain friends at our new elementary school by creating a committee that is obligated to hang out with me 1-2 times per month.
Interests: Sewing, reading, blogging/writing, paddleboarding (done it once, but I am INTERESTED in it), Wine (esp. Chardonnay in a box from Target), bargain shopping, monograms, house re-habing, running, wood work, playing golf, traveling, crafts involving felt, world peace.
Interests by ACTUAL hours of commitment: facebook, folding laundry, searching for missing shoes, applying sunscreen to children, watching the "Jersey Shore", new obsession with "Teen Wolf", shopping at Target, hoarding EVERYTHING, sewing shirts with angry birds on them.
Childbirth (Nov. 2002--April 2006)
Four children in three actual births in 3.5 years, proves that I am faster at producing children than the average (sane) woman.
Making baby food (March 2003)
Participated in this trend for approximately 2 weeks, and gained CRUCIAL understanding that blending broccoli is MY LIMIT, but signing up for 17 different school events on 5 consecutive days during the Christmas season is not.
Spirit Week Banner Maker (Feb. 2010)
Volunteered to make 30 spirit week banners and signs. Because I *love* paint fumes and am addicted to cold medicine like Jesse Spano on Saved by the Bell.
City Museum (May 2010)
Took all four children to the City Museum on a SATURDAY for G's end of year Girl Scout activity, three days after Little J had his tonsils removed (and forgot his pain meds). Only lost one child for 14 minutes and did not suffer an aneurysm, proving that my common sense will not prevent me from participation in school-sponsored events!
Room Mom (Aug. 2009--May 2011)
Big J and L's preschool--planned and executed all class parties AND sewed a baby quilt for teacher that included artwork from all 40 STUDENTS. That's right, I said 40.
G's class, 1st and 2nd grade--achieved life goal and successfully convinced previous school's PTO that I had my sh#! together.
Reality TV Junkie (From debut of "The Real World" until present)
Avid watcher of 19 and Counting, Jon & Kate Plus 8, Little People/ Big World, Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant, making me very familiar with a variety of parenting styles and pitfalls to avoid in parenting. I am nothing, if not educated.
Professional volunteer (November 2000-present)
Have earned ZERO dollars in 11 years, and yet have worked My. Ass. Off. (not literally).
Valentine's Day (February 2009, 2010, 2011)
Organized and assembled 80+ valentines for four children. BECAUSE THREE OF THEM CAN'T READ/WRITE YET. My children are well exposed to crafts and the arts, with less emphasis on actual life skills.
And in the midst of proving myself cool enough, I think:
WTF, YOU ARE VOLUNTEERING TO PLAN AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL ART NIGHT.
You are NOT curing the bubonic plague.
Master's Degrees in Arts and Crafts are not required.
Welcome to Monday, blog world!