Let me tell you what is worse than adult-sized, male crocs.

For my birthday, Mike bought me a rice cooker.  And this meets Mike's criteria for gift giving, because it is a.) something I would NEVER expect, and b.) not a pair of Tom's.  Except that next year?  I will TOTALLY be expecting that garden hose!

But anyway.  My new, fancy rice cooker *claims* that it can steam vegetables--which sounds awesome, except that we don't eat vegetables.  I don't care what Dr. Oz or Gwenyth Paltrow says; I care about what that guy on Man vs. Food says, because he tends to favor 5+ pounds of anything that isn't vegetables.  However, in my attempts to be healthier skinnier I decided that we would forgo a food challenge, and have BROCCOLI tonight.  First mistake, right there, because everyone knows that cheese fries are the most beloved of vegetables.

Let's be clear--I did read the directions, which were something along the lines of add water, put veggies in small tray, close lid, blah, blah, blah.  AN HOUR LATER, Mike and I were wondering HOW LONG, exactly, it takes to steam broccoli, because ours was obviously earning it's Ph.D. in molecular science, and we were STARVING and just about to get-on-with-it-already, with those extra-fat Cheetos in our pantry.

Against the better judgement of the fancy rice cooker, I pulled the plug and opened 'er up.

Do you even KNOW what broccoli smells like when it steams for an hour?  Like feet.  Big, fat, slow cooked feet.

Do you even KNOW what broccoli tastes like when it steams for an hour?  Mushy feet.  Big, fat, slow-cooked, MUSHY feet.  

I would LOVE to say this was the most disgusting thing I experienced in my kitchen today, but sadly, it was not.  Turns out Mike decided to disinfect his free Crocs. 

In. My. Dishwasher.  

With. My. Dishes.

That. I. EAT. On.

I'm pretty sure this is how you catch warts. On your kidneys. {Gag}