I've got nothin' for ya tonight, blogworld.
The kids were home from school today, it rained, and I made an entire meal out of processed foods bought in bulk from Sam's Club, PLUS a special vegetarian stir-fry dinner for Mike and I (because we are on a diet and the fat-free hot dog vapors have *turned*). Except that I forgot the stir-fry spices, which is pathetic, because there are only THREE ingredients in stir fry (frozen bag of veggies, rice AND stir-fry packet).
Also, I forgot to note that G will, in fact, have FOUR birthday celebrations, as her ACTUAL birthday falls on a Tuesday, and I am therefore obligated to send treats into school--or else no one will believe she was really born. If a kid stretches my vagina by 8,000% but no one brings donuts into school for her 9th birthday, does she actually exist? Probably not.
All of my bitching about allergies is really ridiculous, because the kid's school is pretty cool; they inform us of specific allergies in each class, and we are told to avoid those foods, instead of eliminate the entire food chain all together. None of our kids have any classmates with serious/inconvenient allergies--there is someone in G's class who cannot have citrus, but there is less-than-a-small-chance-in-hell that our treats will be sliced oranges, so this is irrelevant. I know I joked about gifting ferrets as favors last night, but I am *kind of* (VERY) curious as to what would happen if I wrapped miniature hamsters in cellophane and brought them to school as *treats*? I anticipate that this might result in a very public flogging, because there's probably a kid who would be allergic--but to this I would argue that the hamsters were never intended to be EATEN, geez.
I mean, I hate to beat a dead horse/birthday hamster here, and we've already agreed that G's party will be a 6-9 p.m. free-for-all--but I really can't help but feel like my daughter's ability to "Say NO! to Drugs" depends on my ability to navigate the shark tank that is the elementary school sleepover. The truth is that there are some situations in which I feel completely comfortable with G having a sleepover, and others in which I am...unsure. And managing all of it without pissing someone off OR finding speed in my kid's Hello Kitty backpack is the trick. I'm not really figuring it all out, per se, I'm simply ignoring the issue for the moment--and I'm considering this as a general parenting theme, particularly as the appropriate age for sex education is also looming, and (cross-my-fingers) I'm hoping to avoid it altogether until the girls *accidentally* crap a baby in the toilet, and it will all make magical sense. But today, G recited the mating ritual for dragonflies, and it amazed me how far inside the boundaries of innocence she is, and how I want to keep her there just a bit longer.
If there is anything that you take away from this post? It's that I am willing to pay one of you $2 to send hamsters to your kid's school as a party favor. Really, it will be worth tens? hundreds? when your YouTube video goes viral.