Mike was riveted by "Pride and Prejudice" on Friday. This is him after 20 minutes, in a coma, because *obviously* his mind was blown. It was 8:45 p.m., by the way.
As a rule of LIFE, Mike and I have generally instituted a "No Pride and Prejudice" policy; mainly because there is a new version that comes out every 18 months, and we can't handle that. If it needs to be remade that often, it can't be that amazing, friends--unless it's a version with a facebook app, a music library, and a high-clarity camera which can be utilized via finger-swiping technology. Then we'll talk.
Mike and I are big movie people--or at least, we used to be, back before we had children, when it didn't cost $100 for a night of babysitting, and dinner and a movie. Again, this factors into our changing philosophy on what justifies a night away; and it IS NOT a Lindsey Lohan movie, fyi. But back in the day, we would see all of the Oscar contenders and argue for (or against) them with great flair; and it was during this season that we flocked to the theater to see the MUCH acclaimed "English Patient", which is the. most. boring. movie. ever. made. EVER. Like, Forever-EVER. As in, I think I actually fell into REM sleep, eight different times. If you are a fan of really boring movies like "The English Patient" or "Pride and Prejudice", please don't take my comments as a personal offense; I was simply born lacking the gene that finds any kind of pleasure in British films. And also, seeing Les Miserables (the play) that one time was much like being put under anesthesia--and I KNOW it's a French novel/play/movie, but I don't know what to tell you, except that this means my *disorder* does not discriminate against ANY films with historical settings, made by ALL European nations. I am nothing, if not an equal opportunity hater of the arts; except for films depicting history in America, because Jerry Bruckheimer does not f-around when he considers the role of MASSIVE explosions in story lines. Look, we ALL know that slavery ends, and Columbus discovers America and that the colonists were a-holes to the Native Americans--but now, tell it to me with some CGI technology.
Back when the Keira Knightly version of "Pride and Prejudice" came out, everyone was all "OOOOOHHHHHHH, it's sooooooooooo good" and "what an AMAZING love story"--blah, blah, blah. And then there were the award nominations, but really? We had fallen asleep one-to-many-times in the artsy-fartsy movie theater here in town, to fall for that. I can't explain WHY, exactly, I decided to rent it from the library during the busiest three weeks of my entire life--maybe because I am breathing too many paint fumes, but also, I kind of figured that 8-10 of you couldn't be wrong, and so I did it. I wasn't even planning on it being an in-home movie date; I was really just thinking I could have it on while I perused the Internet, or during the MANY hours I am spending to create 16 different posterboard signs with hand-cut paper buntings (for our school Art fest). But this would also be a misconception, because I CANNOT understand a single bit of what they are saying if I am not staring, INTENTLY, at the TV screen. Also, the entire premise of this book/movie is that none of it's characters are actually COMMUNICATING, and I spend waaaaay too many hours in my day telling children to USE THEIR WORDS, to be able to tolerate it in adults who would be, like, 200 years old if they were still alive. It's been ENDLESSLY remade into a movie since Jane Austen wrote the damn thing--they should KNOW BETTER by now.
Instead. I posted my torture as a status on Facebook, and friends, you DID NOT disappoint. I mean, we can still be friends if you are a "Pride and Prejudice" fan (though we probably shouldn't see movies together), but MORE IMPORTANTLY, I have learned there are a great number of you who enjoy the Real World/Road Rules Challenge, and we need to go get matching Smurfette tattoos or something equally alarming, because it just seems like something we might do. If we can harness the power of this kind of crazy, we will CERTAINLY be able to rule the world--but more likely, we will reveal our numbers by selling out the pre-packaged Krispy Kreme donuts in grocery stores across the country. Because that is SO us.
Hope you all had a great weekend. Monday, you can suck it.