I've hit a new low. And it is defensively stalking the buffet at Cici's Pizza for those fat, sausage pizza squares with the white sauce. I mean, you've got to be f-ing serious if you're going there on a Friday night. I mean, the place is LITERALLY, no FIGURATIVELY, clubbing baby seals. And by baby seals, I mean overweight Americans.
In my carefully informed opinion, this is because: 1.) it's cheap, 2.) it has an arcade, 3.) it's immediate, and 4.) you can have as much of it as you want. I would like to try this same strategy and apply it to a cupcake and dessert bar, but I have a feeling that doing so would make "exploding" a medical epidemic.
Also, today a friend sent me a picture of a baby hedgehog! Me likey...until me researched hedgehogs on the Internet, and decided hell no. Apparently, it's back-full-of-spikes is REALLY sharp. This might be fairly obvious, except that it's the newest, smallest pet you can fit in a tea cup, and so people are bleeding while trying to dress their hedgies in small, hooded sweatshirts. I mean, if this isn't an argument against evolution, I don't know what is. However, when asked whether he would like a french bulldog puppy or a hedgehog, Mike definitively answered "Hedgehog", proving Darwin could never-in-a-million-years account for (or explain) mankind's fascination with professionally photographing small animals in fancy and unlikely settings.
Which begs the question: What would happen to civilized society if you created a $20 all-you-can-carry small animal bar (with an arcade)? For the purposes of owning many small pets, not eating them (gross).
I hypothesize a zombie apocolypse. Boom.