Blogworld, I'm gonna tell you something about myself that you probably didn't know. Or maybe you did, if we are friends and we ever played the stupid human tricks game--you know the one, where people fart the alphabet, or someone decides to hit a cayman crocodile on the head (repeatedly) with their penis and it ends BADLY (TRUE STORY).
Just to be clear: I, myself, have never taunted an animal with my penis. I was, however, able to turn our old beagle on with my shins, if that counts. I would add this to my list of talents, but as some of you might remember, our dog died a couple of years ago, and was a *key* part of that act, and honestly she had a thyroid problem for YEARS, and so I'm not sure that trick has been possible since 2002 (full disclosure).
Party trick #2 is like that, but not bloody or involving animals, or dry humping or nakedness.
{Drum roll, please......}
I'm double jointed. I know, right?
I learned this when one day, I touched my palms together behind my back, slid them right up to my shoulder blades, and made someone vomit in disgusting amazement. Also, my preferred method of floor sitting was with legs bend outward at the knees, until the age of 34--and now, that makes sense.
This little genetic abnormality comes in REALLY handy at parties (but not ones with crocodiles), in porn shoots, and during the talent portion of beauty competitions; but ALSO, and most practically, during the summer months, when self-applying sunscreen.
Except, you can't really consider it a super-power, with eyeballs that are singularly jointed.
Days #1-3 of the pool season = upper-back splotch-fest.
Welcome to summer, friends.
No comments:
Post a Comment