All my 4th of July was missing is a song about getting pregnant by a hitch-hiker.

I would argue that there is nothing more breath-taking than fireworks under the St. Louis Arch on the 4th of July--or any national monument, for that matter.  It's been a LONG time since Mike and I have braved the crowds to head downtown for the fireworks; these days, every suburb, park, country club and local McDonald's has their own extravaganza, which basically means that I could run out for a tank of gas and catch some sort of pyrotechnics display.  And true to our country and the American way which we were celebrating, I tend to opt for what is cheapest and involves the least amount of effort, and maybe comes with a free 96-ounce fountain soda.


Except that this year, we are one warm wind gust away from spontaneous combustion, and so the fireworks show that happens every year, at the park that's ONE BLOCK AWAY from our house, was cancelled.  Boo.  Or YAY! for not risking a house fire.


Instead, we opted for the most COMPLICATED course of action, which is how we found ourselves heading downtown to the BIG show, with every pair of denim shorts in a 100?  200? mile radius.  Dude, I have seen the alarming fashion trend of this generation, and it is HANDS DOWN, the demin shorts epidemic.  More specifically:  There is an entire age group of girls that fails to recognize the difference between shorts and UNDERWEAR.  


Also, there was a Cardinal's game happening (three blocks from the Arch), and a pre-fireworks concert by Heart.   As I was struggling not to lose my children amidst a SEA of drunk jorts, it didn't sink in that I was watching HEART, until they were more than halfway through "Barracuda".  And I almost peed myself at the thought that they *might* end their concert by serenading the crowd (of denim) with "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You", which you might remember from THIS POST, was a song that I knew all the words to when I was in seventh grade.  And I guess you could say I've had one of those "full circle" moments, in which I realize it is ridiculous that a song exists about getting pregnant by a hitch-hiker, UNLESS you are surrounded by a mob of denim briefs, under the Arch, on Independence Day.  Try as I may, I don't think I will ever, inadvertently, stumble into a Heart concert under those conditions, ever again.  


{Sadly, they did not sing this song as their encore.  WTH.  This will OBVIOUSLY lead me to obsess over Heart, their touring schedule, and the circumstances that might find me in a similar predicament, and able to hear them sing that song LIVE.  It's now officially on my bucket list.}


Despite not knowing who Heart is (parent fail), all the walking, the HEAT and the drunken crowds--the kids were amazing, which proves that childhood, after the age of 6, is kind of bad-ass and awesome.   And if you're willing to break bed times and bribe with Blow Pops, and expose your kids to public urination--well, they are pretty good at rolling with the punches.  


Whether or not you found yourselves (accidentally) at a Heart concert, or in a hot tub with Motley Crue, I hope you had a great 4th of July, celebrating the freedom that makes this kind of random crap possible.